Saturday, January 16, 2010

Flabbergasted


My dear, you appear to be broken
but it's the rarest case as the look
on your face would say it's just your
body, and not at all your mind or soul

But why, I ponder?
When yonder sits this face
emulating sunshine rays while
to most these would seem troubling,
dark days indeed.

Why would you speak with hope in
your voice? When a more sensible choice
would be to shut inside oneself?

As a cynic, a poet I've come to
believe I know it all concerning people
and life, as well as the strife accompanying
these things. But you are a girl, you're just this
beautiful girl and already you know more of
life's tricky hands than I hope I ever might.

What business have I? To layabout
inside, to sneer and make snide remarks to
others and God when you can't feel your toes?
How do you smile? Plainly speak and smile all
the while knowing numbing pains others can't
begin to comprehend.

I want to be angry for you, yet you don't seem angry.
I want to care for you, but you've gotten along well
enough without me so far.
I want to know you, I want to fit you in a stanza, but
I can't seem to understand you.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

January 2010-I will win this time


2007
The new year brought with it
angst and music
long nighttime drives
and memories sorely abused
to fit my skewed reality

Under that street light I confessed
how blessed I felt to know her
and how I wanted to do so much more
yet she said little and left me
with nothing more than a smile and
an invite to keep living in my own head

How upset I was when I got that letter

2008
started great if not much the same
but my spiel was cut into by texts
(not mine) flittering into her phone
little did I know of what steady hands
I dug my grave with

A month of waiting and what I was
presented with after such perseverance was
nothing more than angry words exchanged
over a candy filled cabinet

This time I was left breaking cupboards.

2009
Had two great weeks.
Week one pertained to
Slightly awkward talks over coffee
as well as laughter as we playfully mocked
each other, we had such fun.

Week two was even better,
an hour long destination
didn't deter us from what was to come
and the drive back was insightful if not remarkable
I left her on her doorstep as the tension finally broke
through our fingers

Then unsaid words spoke volumes of what
I turned a deaf ear to.
Then she and him tried picking
up their broken pieces.

Chimes and novels accompanied my inward collapse.

2010
and once again I'm writing lines
shoving them under the noses
of people too polite to look away
But maybe this time I'll have less
to write about

Which, honestly, would be a bit of relief

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Twisty, New Concepts


I'm not so sure if I know you anymore.
Your like a relative at a reunion,
feeling familiar but more foreign than
another language, I can speak of you feigning
fluency, gaining nothing as I give new meanings
to lying through my teeth.

Ironic much that speaking lies may get me
to the truth of you quicker than those who
think they know you, but to call shenanigans on faith
leaves the argument blank and everybody moves
on to lighter subjects, lest they have to wrap their
minds around twisty, new concepts.

Might "new" be a false term as there's always
been an alternative? I was tempted into this in
the first place, you were just a byproduct, and by product
I mean a bonus produced from the reason I went to your
house the first time, and the proceeding months after that.

How sad it is when I may find more comfort in sitting
against a stiff drink rather than your arms. The drink,
you see, has the courtesy to warm me. Why is it these are
the spirits that lift me nowadays?