January 2010-I will win this time

2007

The new year brought with it

angst and music

long nighttime drives

and memories sorely abused

to fit my skewed reality

Under that street light I confessed

how blessed I felt to know her

and how I wanted to do so much more

yet she said little and left me

with nothing more than a smile and

an invite to keep living in my own head

How upset I was when I got that letter

2008

started great if not much the same

but my spiel was cut into by texts

(not mine) flittering into her phone

little did I know of what steady hands

I dug my grave with

A month of waiting and what I was

presented with after such perseverance was

nothing more than angry words exchanged

over a candy filled cabinet

This time I was left breaking cupboards.

2009

Had two great weeks.

Week one pertained to

Slightly awkward talks over coffee

as well as laughter as we playfully mocked

each other, we had such fun.

Week two was even better,

an hour long destination

didn't deter us from what was to come

and the drive back was insightful if not remarkable

I left her on her doorstep as the tension finally broke

through our fingers

Then unsaid words spoke volumes of what

I turned a deaf ear to.

Then she and him tried picking

up their broken pieces.

Chimes and novels accompanied my inward collapse.

2010

and once again I'm writing lines

shoving them under the noses

of people too polite to look away

But maybe this time I'll have less

to write about

Which, honestly, would be a bit of relief